If the Queen of the Downtown Fur coached the 4-0 Cincinatti Bengals

None of my girlfriends are shocked that I watch football. They all know it’s for the fashionable tight stares I make at the luscious big boys of television close-ups. Just think of all the chile peppers spicing up the field and you have mama Ricky's recipe for an afternoon of caviar and lust.

But let me just say how shocked mama is right now to say that the Cincinatti Bengals of kitty catland are 4-0. You know the team? It’s the one with the helmets that look like my mama’s favorite leotards from the 1980s. Oh run to me now and hush because you still wear them ! You bought them at Gigantic Vintage and then played football superhero flashdance in your livingroom.

Oh, but mama is excited to tell you her very fashionable attire were she allowed to be coach of such a princess 80s team. I, the ever so fashionable Queen of the Downtown Fur, lover of all men in anything tight, and shamefully addicted to late nights in Hollywood where B-rate actors dance with me and my boa... oh yes! Call me a starry-eyed hoochie mama! But darlings, kiss me now because I would coach such a team with a sure fire outfit and scarf. Yes honey I’m going to have to say to start with the shoes on this one. Be daring, but simple, and then blow yourself a kiss in the mirror and hold my hand because it's time for Viva La Vintage and their 1950s tiger print rayon dress!

Now, no Bengal kitty girl coaching outfit could be complete without a scarf like you've never seen. Don't be skimpy here girls. Get your favorite quarterback lover coach of a 4-0 kitty team a Gianni Versace Multi-color Floral and Tiger Print Silk Scarf for her head! Now love me and run to me! Shout it loud! DO it now and I will tell those kitty boys to win! I will slap them on their buns of joy and make them run like the wind! I will growl out to them and crawl on all fours with my claws out! I'll scratch at the grass and roll over and beg to be kissed (but not touched). Now run to me one last time and hold my delicate clipboard!