Oh Honeys, mama's enraptured with Danielle!

Oh I love it! This Bakersfield drama is more scandalous than Angelina and Mister you-have-too-much-pecs-hear-me-roar Pitts. jajaja! Have you seen him lately? He prances around like a rooster now that his Aniston feathers have been trimmed. I know Angelina has him trimming more than his feathers again—that tramp! What movie set doesn't have its share of scandalous hoochie bun shaking? All the young people, old people, hoochie people, Brady people, having sex and then pretending not to on the movie set is as normal as Roger Mathey slapping a dream sequence into a play like he’s being tickled in his sleep! I love it! I love it! Oh Rico should know! He was a paparazzi… But i don't kiss and tell unless you're wrapping me in silk pajamas for a late night talk by the bay... more on that later... That’s theatre—the energy, the libido, unless you’re a grumpy old Puerto Rican grandmother who locked her cookie jar long ago like this old hoochie who wrote back to Danielle like he not only locked up his cookies, but his tiny little habanero too…

I point my finger and wave it twice in the nose of this professor with the overheated habenero for Danielle. He candy coats his anger like a doorman in a British film just slapped twice with a white glove. Talk to the hand and shout because mama has more sense than you! Was he feeling as betrayed as young lovers on the set of his show by Danielle who has the bosoms of his mad desire by talking sense to him? Why didn’t he just cry out in perfect hoochie dramatics, “You wronged me Danielle! Now kiss me. Kiss me hard! (and find the key to my cookies)” It’s soo faboo to feel wanted...

But seriously, what movie set doesn't have scandal? It's fashoo in hollywood, it's taboo in Bakersfield? Is this old professor hoochie just jealous because actors and actresses can shake it and he can only break it? And if people don't come to shows, that's poor marketing. If you want the boys to see you prance, you have to SHOUT your fashion at them! jajaja! Show it off!

But back to girl and boy talk. Mama has to say he's like a blue-haired Puerto Rican papa with no zingin’ in his zest and his sequins having all fallen off his tiny glow stick. Oh rapture! But so much potty talk only makes me roll over and beg for Rico to not be so shy. And yes, I still dream of Paulo, but I don’t want you all to be hateful… Now run to me and let me hold you!