Mama is angry about the Lords of Bakersfield Hoochie

Have I congratulated Nickyboy recently for writing a book about those big mean men whose chile peppers were out of control for so many years? Well mama needs to tell you about his article too. Let me just rant for one moment. Nicky is a writer extraordinaire. He taught me about active verbs and I taught him about denim summer fashion. Let me just spin off… It’s ok, I’ll hold you and kiss you later. I have just traveled back from the land of denim. Do you know where that is? Not your little Target wonderland, but garment central in Los Angeles… and let me tell you that I don’t want you or you or you to have a saggy bottom! Did I say me? Well let me be Sandra Bullock in Force of Nature and go crazy for just one rapturous second! Oh! Oh! Oh! Well a little less on the pocket frills means more tush for you to show off! Go denim! I give three cheers for summer fashion, because every summer I go crazy with nouveau! Now, back to that little tough boy writer who wrote about Rolling Stone’s hoochie freelance queen of dirty secrets, Kimberley Sevcik. Her sunken monument to the Lords of Bakersfield Hoochie was simply disastrous. Nicky said he didn’t like it. I read it and instantly my face was as red as a sun-soaked jalapeno tamale! Mama tried to hide it with make up this morning and it’s all wrong. You know those kinds of days, ladies? I wanted to tell this little bimbo hateful bitch that mama is no little country girl with braids and neither is Nicky or Robbie Price. Mama is Puerto Rican sunshine on any parade and so are these writers whose stones don’t roll but are built on a foundation of truth! She’s a jealous bitch and wants to write about J. Edgar Bagels and his moldy cream cheese ex-wife who takes pills like they're Krispy Kreme donut sprinkles on her soufflé. Oh, so boring. I was falling asleep with every word. No wonder it’s in the back of the magazine. I’m going to post this entire message on-line for the world to read. Why? Because I love you all! Now run to me and shout because I’m mad!